I can change!

What an absolute miracle! I can change. I have changed! Glory be and Hallelujah and can you friggin believe it - yes I can. Oddly, this is one of the secrets to changing - first believing that you can.

After years and years of thinking that I would always only know what I should be doing and never actually do it - leaving myself to wallow in a mire of guilt and regret and excuses that somehow just didn't cut it in the "why i never lived my life" stakes - i have climbed out of the mud, allowed God to wash me clean and we're heading for the mountain tops. Don't get me wrong - I still make mistakes and need to get back onto the road but I'm heading in the right direction. Another life saving change is that when I mess up I can look at the situation, acknowledge that I could have/should have done things differently and then let it go and move on - WHAT A REVELATION! I do not miss you cruel and critical self-flagellation.

All I have to do is choose. Choose God, choose to believe He is working in me, choose to believe that if I surrender to Him and obey His voice He will make sure His plans are fulfilled in my life - no matter how unqualified I may be. I simply have to choose to praise Him no matter what happens and when I'm unable to do that I can choose to fall on my knees and ask Him to give me the strength to praise Him and believe Him.

It seems too simple but the conclusion I'm coming to is that He has already done everything! He will equip me with all I need.

It's so funny too because once one moves into a positive frame of mind and manages to get some traction the immediate impulse is to run off shouting "I'm ok from here" over your shoulder. Of course we all know that tactic ends in us tripping over some or other thing and ending up with dust in our mouths and scrapes and bruises all over.

So, as always balance. I really absolutely CAN do all things through Christ Jesus Who strengthens me (His grace, His power, His equipping, His direction, His love and joy and peace, His hand holding me).

My God - I'm trusting You to keep me on Your path.

This morning I actually saw the most beautiful analogy for walking with God - Father and young son (maybe 12 or so) cycling in the morning traffic on a 5 lane highway type road, pretty busy, pretty dangerous, all kitted out and about to head up the hill. The son was struggling to get momentum as he got onto the hill and the Father deftly got hold of the son's seat and gave his bike a good shove up the hill to get him going without messing with his rhythm or making him falter and off they went on their grand adventure.

It just made me realise - yes life is hard and dangerous and hard work and sometimes it's really no fun at all for a while but if we stick with our Dad and follow his instructions, stay in the safe limits and lines He's taught us and choose to keep on going, life can be an epic adventure, up close and personal with the One Who loves us more than we could ever imagine...And because He does love us and is so faithful there is plenty of breathtaking scenery, downhills and peaceful naps in lush fields by the still water, and the music of the stars to echo the song in our own hearts. Abundant life.

untitled

What is it that people call things when they're just not sure - in the art world I've found the common denominator is untitled...

A whole year has gone by you say, why blog now you say. I'll tell you why. A week ago I found out that an old friend of mine who I had lost touch with passed away just short of a year ago. Finding this out has affected me in ways I would never have imagined... He was a truly unique individual who lived life completely according to his own rules. I can't say whether he found answers but I can say that from everything I know and everything I see he LIVED. He did the things he loved as often as he could, regardless of the possible consequences, no matter what other people expected...He died at 35 having led a full and exuberant life. He was also an amazing writer and had started a really inspiring blog a few months before he died so unexpectedly.

I am still processing his death, still assessing all the shifts inside my mind and heart. what I did learn from Hendri's story is that you never know how long you have and you can't imagine how just being yourself and being fully alive can touch the lives of those around you, even after you're gone. You never know how the music of your heart sounds to others and where it might resonate, who will choose to pick up the notes when you stop singing.

So I'm going to sing my song, loud and clear for any who would listen. And I'll keep up the search for the best day ever, safely in the hands of my Father, remembering to kick off my shoes and dance in the rain with face upturned to the heavens and eyes shut, full of the joy of just being alive.