Dagnabbit - what a mission to remember my log in details (unsuccessful - had to reset password) after a whole year.....
so now i'm here - wondering what to write. i can hear crickets cricketing outside and my bedroom curtains are softly sighing, in and out as the night breeze brushes past them...
i was reading something today about talents and losing them if you don't use them and how we all have to take accountability for our lives etc. etc. and i thought about how i've become so silent this year (my husband might disagree!) but i know that somewhere inside of me is a well of words and it's all but dried up.
while pondering this lifeless ex-spring in my heart a still small voice reminded me that the words i have always treasured so much have a source. if connection with the source is interrupted then naturally the outflowing tangible evidence of that connection would also cease.
Who is my source? Where does my life come from? What makes me feel alive? What is the key to move through the tiny door in my heart like Alice finally does - from dreary mundane everyday chores and weariness and lethargy to all the same circumstances with a golden glow and rainbow hues of hope encapsulating the scene? Joy, peace, overflowing love, hope that I am loved, my life does matter, i don't have to be anyone other than me, i can relax into meeting each days challenge and that is enough.
God. My precious life giving Creator God. God Who is able to do super-abundantly exceedingly more than i can hope or dream or ask. God Who promises to never give up on me, to never leave me nor forsake me. God Who rejoices over me with singing, watches over me as a mother bird watches over her nest. God Who embraces me...God Whose banner over me is love. God Who knows how many hairs are on my head. God Who breathed the stars into being and named each and every one - He has my name tattoed on the palm of His hand.
When I start to see Who He is I realise who I am. I am beautiful because He made me so. I am enough because in my weakness He is strong. I am loved, wanted, cherished. I am precious. I am eternal as His blood washes over and through me and He dwells in my innermost being.
I am exactly who He dreamed me to be. He's loved me since before i existed and He loves me for all eternity. forever and ever, what every little girl dreams of.
Lover of my soul, don't ever stop dancing with me. I love you.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Thursday, December 8, 2011
I can change!
What an absolute miracle! I can change. I have changed! Glory be and Hallelujah and can you friggin believe it - yes I can. Oddly, this is one of the secrets to changing - first believing that you can.
After years and years of thinking that I would always only know what I should be doing and never actually do it - leaving myself to wallow in a mire of guilt and regret and excuses that somehow just didn't cut it in the "why i never lived my life" stakes - i have climbed out of the mud, allowed God to wash me clean and we're heading for the mountain tops. Don't get me wrong - I still make mistakes and need to get back onto the road but I'm heading in the right direction. Another life saving change is that when I mess up I can look at the situation, acknowledge that I could have/should have done things differently and then let it go and move on - WHAT A REVELATION! I do not miss you cruel and critical self-flagellation.
All I have to do is choose. Choose God, choose to believe He is working in me, choose to believe that if I surrender to Him and obey His voice He will make sure His plans are fulfilled in my life - no matter how unqualified I may be. I simply have to choose to praise Him no matter what happens and when I'm unable to do that I can choose to fall on my knees and ask Him to give me the strength to praise Him and believe Him.
It seems too simple but the conclusion I'm coming to is that He has already done everything! He will equip me with all I need.
It's so funny too because once one moves into a positive frame of mind and manages to get some traction the immediate impulse is to run off shouting "I'm ok from here" over your shoulder. Of course we all know that tactic ends in us tripping over some or other thing and ending up with dust in our mouths and scrapes and bruises all over.
So, as always balance. I really absolutely CAN do all things through Christ Jesus Who strengthens me (His grace, His power, His equipping, His direction, His love and joy and peace, His hand holding me).
My God - I'm trusting You to keep me on Your path.
This morning I actually saw the most beautiful analogy for walking with God - Father and young son (maybe 12 or so) cycling in the morning traffic on a 5 lane highway type road, pretty busy, pretty dangerous, all kitted out and about to head up the hill. The son was struggling to get momentum as he got onto the hill and the Father deftly got hold of the son's seat and gave his bike a good shove up the hill to get him going without messing with his rhythm or making him falter and off they went on their grand adventure.
It just made me realise - yes life is hard and dangerous and hard work and sometimes it's really no fun at all for a while but if we stick with our Dad and follow his instructions, stay in the safe limits and lines He's taught us and choose to keep on going, life can be an epic adventure, up close and personal with the One Who loves us more than we could ever imagine...And because He does love us and is so faithful there is plenty of breathtaking scenery, downhills and peaceful naps in lush fields by the still water, and the music of the stars to echo the song in our own hearts. Abundant life.
After years and years of thinking that I would always only know what I should be doing and never actually do it - leaving myself to wallow in a mire of guilt and regret and excuses that somehow just didn't cut it in the "why i never lived my life" stakes - i have climbed out of the mud, allowed God to wash me clean and we're heading for the mountain tops. Don't get me wrong - I still make mistakes and need to get back onto the road but I'm heading in the right direction. Another life saving change is that when I mess up I can look at the situation, acknowledge that I could have/should have done things differently and then let it go and move on - WHAT A REVELATION! I do not miss you cruel and critical self-flagellation.
All I have to do is choose. Choose God, choose to believe He is working in me, choose to believe that if I surrender to Him and obey His voice He will make sure His plans are fulfilled in my life - no matter how unqualified I may be. I simply have to choose to praise Him no matter what happens and when I'm unable to do that I can choose to fall on my knees and ask Him to give me the strength to praise Him and believe Him.
It seems too simple but the conclusion I'm coming to is that He has already done everything! He will equip me with all I need.
It's so funny too because once one moves into a positive frame of mind and manages to get some traction the immediate impulse is to run off shouting "I'm ok from here" over your shoulder. Of course we all know that tactic ends in us tripping over some or other thing and ending up with dust in our mouths and scrapes and bruises all over.
So, as always balance. I really absolutely CAN do all things through Christ Jesus Who strengthens me (His grace, His power, His equipping, His direction, His love and joy and peace, His hand holding me).
My God - I'm trusting You to keep me on Your path.
This morning I actually saw the most beautiful analogy for walking with God - Father and young son (maybe 12 or so) cycling in the morning traffic on a 5 lane highway type road, pretty busy, pretty dangerous, all kitted out and about to head up the hill. The son was struggling to get momentum as he got onto the hill and the Father deftly got hold of the son's seat and gave his bike a good shove up the hill to get him going without messing with his rhythm or making him falter and off they went on their grand adventure.
It just made me realise - yes life is hard and dangerous and hard work and sometimes it's really no fun at all for a while but if we stick with our Dad and follow his instructions, stay in the safe limits and lines He's taught us and choose to keep on going, life can be an epic adventure, up close and personal with the One Who loves us more than we could ever imagine...And because He does love us and is so faithful there is plenty of breathtaking scenery, downhills and peaceful naps in lush fields by the still water, and the music of the stars to echo the song in our own hearts. Abundant life.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
untitled
What is it that people call things when they're just not sure - in the art world I've found the common denominator is untitled...
A whole year has gone by you say, why blog now you say. I'll tell you why. A week ago I found out that an old friend of mine who I had lost touch with passed away just short of a year ago. Finding this out has affected me in ways I would never have imagined... He was a truly unique individual who lived life completely according to his own rules. I can't say whether he found answers but I can say that from everything I know and everything I see he LIVED. He did the things he loved as often as he could, regardless of the possible consequences, no matter what other people expected...He died at 35 having led a full and exuberant life. He was also an amazing writer and had started a really inspiring blog a few months before he died so unexpectedly.
I am still processing his death, still assessing all the shifts inside my mind and heart. what I did learn from Hendri's story is that you never know how long you have and you can't imagine how just being yourself and being fully alive can touch the lives of those around you, even after you're gone. You never know how the music of your heart sounds to others and where it might resonate, who will choose to pick up the notes when you stop singing.
So I'm going to sing my song, loud and clear for any who would listen. And I'll keep up the search for the best day ever, safely in the hands of my Father, remembering to kick off my shoes and dance in the rain with face upturned to the heavens and eyes shut, full of the joy of just being alive.
A whole year has gone by you say, why blog now you say. I'll tell you why. A week ago I found out that an old friend of mine who I had lost touch with passed away just short of a year ago. Finding this out has affected me in ways I would never have imagined... He was a truly unique individual who lived life completely according to his own rules. I can't say whether he found answers but I can say that from everything I know and everything I see he LIVED. He did the things he loved as often as he could, regardless of the possible consequences, no matter what other people expected...He died at 35 having led a full and exuberant life. He was also an amazing writer and had started a really inspiring blog a few months before he died so unexpectedly.
I am still processing his death, still assessing all the shifts inside my mind and heart. what I did learn from Hendri's story is that you never know how long you have and you can't imagine how just being yourself and being fully alive can touch the lives of those around you, even after you're gone. You never know how the music of your heart sounds to others and where it might resonate, who will choose to pick up the notes when you stop singing.
So I'm going to sing my song, loud and clear for any who would listen. And I'll keep up the search for the best day ever, safely in the hands of my Father, remembering to kick off my shoes and dance in the rain with face upturned to the heavens and eyes shut, full of the joy of just being alive.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
not just a one hit wonder
so according to the current data i'm a once a week blogger...any significance there? to be honest i typed out a longish rambling post last week after my debut post but things being what they are i had to learn the lesson - only attempt to blog from firefox, never internet explorer. my computer is allergic to internet explorer for some reason...
my hubby found this really cool picture of me from our July holiday in the free state.
i have to admit that the serenity depicted here calls me right now. life has been so potentially busy the last while and yet not at the same time - since i haven't actually been doing any of the things i have been meant to be doing. the age old problem of procrastination strikes again, though i have to admit there has been more than a dash of complete apathy this time around. i find myself in a kind of doldrums, sun beating down, totally lethargic, not a breath of air, not a sign of life, no land on the horison, just me and my boat and the water lapping listlessly at the bow...even though this might sound peaceful i assure you it is not. somehow i think peace requires a measure of joy and hope. hope i am able to recognise with my mind - Jesus is alive and He does love me and He does want to heal me and make me all He intended for me to be - this i know the same way i know the earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. the joy that should bubble up from inside me because of this knowledge is somehow lacking though.
my hubby found this really cool picture of me from our July holiday in the free state.
 |
| lazy afternoon |
i have to admit that the serenity depicted here calls me right now. life has been so potentially busy the last while and yet not at the same time - since i haven't actually been doing any of the things i have been meant to be doing. the age old problem of procrastination strikes again, though i have to admit there has been more than a dash of complete apathy this time around. i find myself in a kind of doldrums, sun beating down, totally lethargic, not a breath of air, not a sign of life, no land on the horison, just me and my boat and the water lapping listlessly at the bow...even though this might sound peaceful i assure you it is not. somehow i think peace requires a measure of joy and hope. hope i am able to recognise with my mind - Jesus is alive and He does love me and He does want to heal me and make me all He intended for me to be - this i know the same way i know the earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. the joy that should bubble up from inside me because of this knowledge is somehow lacking though.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The beginning
so this is it! my very first post on my very first blog. why dancing in the rain you ask? it struck me last week that i long to live my life more consistently in the headspace i'm in when dancing in the rain - free, full of joy, living with wild abandon, thrilling at the deliciousness and beauty of being alive, full of hope - you get the picture...it's a good one isn't it? one that leaves you with a giant grin and sparkly eyes.
this first one is a short one since it's a wednesday morning and just yesterday i was repenting of neglecting my duties at work. nose to the grindstone - here we go!
this first one is a short one since it's a wednesday morning and just yesterday i was repenting of neglecting my duties at work. nose to the grindstone - here we go!
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